the endless U turns

Everything seems to be going fine around me except my life. What is happening is yet to be sorted out. Things which I think are going straight suddenly takes a U turn and gives the worst results possible. How will one cope when all things seem to end at a dark phase. How will this phase too take a straight turn again. I'm fed up making the paths "undistorted" or "patching up" the distorted ways. There is no use of explaining these nonsense to anyone around me, as they'll say, "it is what that happens to everyone... it is the creator's doing to make us bold and strong" .. But what I don't understand is that instead of being bold and strong, I'm becoming more and more flimsy and uncertain. This is my father's 12th anniversary in heaven or I should say it is his 12th birthday in heaven. I was too young to handle that loneliness which came as 1 minute of breathlessness. He didn't breath for a minute and was suddenly declared out of the world. Aren't our bodies so weak that we cannot hold our heat for a second if we don't get air or more precisely oxygen. There started the falling of bricks one by one. The crumbling down is still continuing and is not over yet because I do the patch works time to time. How long can I do the patch work. My days are filled with frustrations and grievance. When people look from outside, it is all fine. Oh what a life! But what a life is it?... People must be thinking I'm fuddy-duddy. The truth is that I'm a very good actress. I keep back tears even in worst situations. Even that day I did keep my tears back to make all things available for acha's last dressing up. But these days I find that this is not working. I'm growing weak and impatient. I can't handle it anymore and hope this is the last dirty U turn which I'm trying to make straight.

At the bay window with the rain drops

As your first drops fell in my tumbler,
The tune gave me a sense of awakening
You woke me up from the deep slumber,
You gave me a balmy evening.

The lightening which came through the little pore,
Gave my heart a shudder;
And the thunder like the lions roar,
Worked my veins better.

Your clouds masked the sun from me,
That I couldn't wish him goodnight;
Tomorrow will he be bad to me,
Because of your brilliant might.

Do you know it is wonderful,
To watch the way you dance and ride;
Is it so that the God in heaven,
Have so much water, just for you, to slide?

wish i was in indian cricket team...

Cricket nowadays heard as a game of money and fame instilled a weird dream in me recently. Oh readers, please don't misunderstand me. I'm not here for money or fame. Actually the whole thought begins during the Indian visit to Australia. The match at Perth, started taking exciting turns for cricket lovers. For the reader he should understand that I'm not a cricket lover but then why this wish... Cricket, the base of all quarrels at home was once again at its heights of entertainment. If the Indian team losses then it is hell as if I was the umpire who gave all of them "OUT". Sreesanth, Dhoni, and others are winning lakhs in either way, while souls like me who sit at home for some peace of mind tend to search for dungeons on a match day. As such comes the reaction from the cricket fever affected husband. May be moving away from the story line may leave all bored. Coming back to the perth test, we are staying at a place almost 7 hrs behind australia. So when the game starts there it'll be 3 am at home. I was once startled to hear a horribly hearing alarm much earlier than the time my usual alarm rings. The sound of the ring was like an old telephone bell... tring tring... Now suddenly I see a figure jumping out of bed and searching the comfortably ringing alarm in darkness. It stopped after much efforts of the figure (my husband). Then I hear the sound of the roaring TV. The cricket maniac was up and watching the stupid test match. If I ever asked him to make a tea on a sick day, the answer would be "It is ok dear, u can make it later. I don't want anything now." Such a guy was up and watching a match at 3 am in the morning. The sleep lost I was just wondering how to move the mind from cricket to myself. Anyway bobs may divorce me but will never say no cricket. That was when this weird idea of becoming the part of cricket team sprang up. The idea atleast gave me the joy that bobs would get up to look at me at 3 am. WOW... MAY ALL DREAMS COME TRUE!!!